My title kind of says it all. Since my last post, I have gone in and out of porn sites... Where every other day I might without really thinking it through just go to a porn site. Not too dwell there or masturbate but just to go quickly get excited, remember oops dangit I should stop. And I would stop.
I haven't felt like posting my failures because I feel dumb that I can't go further than a couple days lately. Well since, lets see... Wednesday I think, I have not looked at any porn, I have not masturbated or anything. I was feeling great.
Today I blew it all again. Read some erotic literature (don't know why but this really turns me on), and looked at a few porn images.
I feel ver desensitezed right now and I'm really upset. I'm soon going to be selling my computer in hopes of upgrading. I won't upgrade for the whole summer though that way I can't get easy access to porn. I want to be able to finish up my last weeks in April and the month of May strong! I really know I can do it.
Please offer a prayer for me! I feel very defeated right now. I keep telling myself, after this summer I won't have the temptation and I should look at porn now while I "can". Which is so wrong of me.
Anyway, I am not giving up. This is one of those things that I will never really give up, I will become defeated as I already have been (alot too I might add!), but I will fight that defeat and press on for a porn-free life.
God bless.
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