Day 1

Day 1 ended well. 

I didn't have really any temptations or problems, I just ignroed the thoughts. It went fine though.

Today started out a bit tough. Also this morning I confessed my problem to a friend that I see daily- that way I have another step of accountability. So I'm hoping with building up a network of people that I can learn to trust and build myself a firm base for quitting. 

I started thinking, what is porn? Sounds strange doesn't it? But I came to this conclusion:

Porn is anything that excites us sexually, that is not actually sex, and something that we will go out of our way to see, or intentianlly look at. Like if I were to be going to a website, and for some reason that website had a bad add, if I closed the site, I would not consider that porn. If I dwelt in that add with pornographic images, then yes that would be looking at porn. Otherwise its not. 

I also think, going on with my last post, that reading about it is just as bad as porn. Maybe even worse because although a picture says a thousand words, stories can be engrained in our minds and our imaginations can take over, adapting those stories to yourself and even worse, potentially the people around you as you think about these little sexual fantasies.

Another thing in my battle is not so much pornography, but more masturbation.

I think that masturbation, being a chemical natural process, feels so good that it helps engrain that you 'need' porn on a day to day basis to get that sexual high from orgasm. 

I think that if I didn't masturbate for a long time, I wouldn't be thinking sexual thoughts, but also- I think that the urges to 'need' masturbation would be higher.

So I think in my instance the two play off each other. Masturbation = porn, porn = masturbation for me. My body likes getting more excited, from the porn, so the masturbation feels better. One without the other doesn't do it for me anymore... Which is bad. So I need to quit both instead of continuing with masturbation, just without porn. 

Maybe that doesn't make sense- but origionally I thought, porn is my only problem. I think masturbation is bad, at least for the most part, and that I need to quit both because regardless of how much I was able to convince myself origionally that it was fine. Its not fine because I am always thinking of hot girls when I masturbate- which fuels the thoughts for actually seeing them...

Thanks for reading my random thoughts! God bless