Defeat

I feel pretty dumb about saying this, but today I messed up. I don't get it, I know so much about tthis problem, I understand my weaknesses and I totally have made up ideas to help me stay away from it and save myself. I just find this so difficult. Its really bothering me right now, mainly because in the heat of it, I just gave in and said nah who cares... Who cares... Why do I have to be 'good' why can't I just do what so many other guys my age do and enjoy myself... who cares... 

These lies decieved me. I feel quite bad right now about messing up. 

I need to take heart though, because its not over, I'm still here and I still have a strong motivation to quit. Sure, I messed up today, but that doesn't mean that I can't be strong tomorrow, and the day after. I need to make sure I don't get discouraged, because THAT is where problems arise. 

I read an interesting devotional, it was quite short, but I won't put it up here- 

The basics of it were this though:

The only way we can work through our sin and overcome it, is through God, and by the Holy Spirits power. But for God to help us, we have to fully commit our minds to him and to fully give our problem up too him and fully believe in His forgiveness, if we ask for it. I think that I am guilty of not really believe that God has forgiven me, and because of that it keeps Him and me apart from each other. Apart from each other through porn. Its really distressing actually to think about. The biggest problem in my life is keeping me from growing closer with the best thing in life. 

Anyway, I'm looking forward to tomorrow to go through another day, and to fight this, and to hopefully give myself up to God, day in and day out starting now. Realising my weaknesses is important, but not as important as fully commiting myself to Christ, and letting His power work in me, because that will not save me. I don't think that I can beat this with sheer willpower alone, I have a lot of that for other things, but this... this I need a higher power to help me.

I want to be able to look into His eyes, one day in Heaven, and for him to say to me "Well done, good and faithful servant!" (Matthew 25:23 NIV). I won't hear these words unless I give this up. You won't hear those words unless you give it up. No matter what we can do, we will be kept at bay from a deeper relationship with God with this problem in our life. 

God bless you guys, stay strong, hopefully my words here have helped in some way.

~continuing to fight.